Too Much Background Info

I found myself saying to a friend on the phone the other day, "The thing about me is, in order to be understood, I require too much background information." It wasn't as narcissistic as it sounds, because the background info I was referring to has more to do with certain jumps and leaps in consciousness that I consider myself to have made over the years than it does with the obligatory nitty-gritty stats and details that folks tend to spew at each other when they first meet, or when they're referring to others.

OK, I guess that's still narcissistic, to think that people have to understand your alleged development in order to truly understand you...

What I meant by what I said to my friend (if you're still with me -- and I would much appreciate that, not out of narcissism but because I do tend to make a point in everything I write, so who knows? -- maybe you'll get a kick out of my point) was that I have a hard time embarking upon typical introductory conversations. Whether I'm at a party, or a bar, or heck -- even at a job interview, I can't stand having to explain myself.

Whenever I meet someone new, if they express any interest whatsoever in finding out who I am, I find myself sighing and wondering which is the fastest route to the explanantion. Do I laugh myself off and declare, "Shit, I'm just an aging slacker," or do I take a more, "Well, this has been my journey so far" stance, thereby requiring more time -- and effort -- for everybody -- to explain said journey? Usually at that point in the conversation, I look for a distraction. I comment on something the person is wearing, or I ask what they're drinking. Many times I've been know to simply make a beeline for the bar. (Screw whatever they're drinking. They can refill it themselves.)

The truth is, if there was an easy way for me to satisfactorily tell you who I think I am, I would have found it by now. But despite having been rasied on television and radio, and despite having been influenced by the media all my life, and even despite what I consider to be a pretty good ability to slap a sound byte onto just about anything or any situation, I have yet to be able to come up with a reasonable sound byte to describe myself. I guess that's what we have other people for. But I'm not all that eager to hear what my cohorts' soundbytes sound like, because I'm pretty sure they sound negative. They can't help it. My cohorts, that is. God knows the majority of the sound bytes that come out of my mouth are bitchy. Y'think I'm the only one?

On the other hand, there's nothing (or at least, little) my cohorts could or have said about me, however bitchy, that I haven't thought or said about myself. I am my worst critic. Maybe that's why I can't come up with a satisfactory way to introduce myself. Perhaps all that excessive prerequisite introductory information is a crutch of sorts, that I hide behind to keep from presenting myself to the world. I mean, it's not as if I don't expect folks to have some sort of byte ready for me when I ask them about themselves, now is it?

Gee. I guess I see my narcissism and I raise myself one introductory sound byte.

But I'll need some time to reflect on that.



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